I have heard from time to time that I should be thankful for the struggles in life. It is even written in the Word that I am to be joyful during my struggles. I never really understood that thought pattern because during my struggles, they were so intense I focused on the struggle. In fact I couldn't take my mind off of the struggle. There were some struggles that really seemed to take over my life. No matter what I did, what I was doing, where I went, my struggle was with me on my mind. Day and night it was there. Shoot, I remember times where I couldn't sleep, because my struggle was on my mind.
Now that I think about it, I can say without a doubt that my struggle weighed me down like an anchor that stays a gigantic ship. My struggle held me in it grip that at times, I felt like it was all life had to offer. I awaken to struggle. I went to sleep at night to struggle. My day was so filled with my struggle that everything else worked around my struggle. Shoot I even dreamt about the struggle. It was struggle, struggle, struggle. If you called Deborah on the street I probably would have kept walking. But if you called struggle, I guarantee you I would have turned around to see who was calling out to me.
Even this blog comes out of the struggle with Sonny Boy. My struggle with Sonny Boy is what I call one of my wilderness. You know, the Israelites struggled in the wilderness for 40 years. My struggle with Sonny Boy hasn't been 40 years but it sure seemed like it. So when I put joy, side by side, with struggle I didn't see the correlation.
I had been praying for God to teach me to be the mother that Sonny Boy needs. Spirit was leading me to realize that what I was doing wasn't working, and I didn't know what else to do. I was so tired of going round and round with Sonny Boy. Although the color and flavor of my struggle with him was different, I always ended up in the same place. FRUSTRATED!
So to make a long story short, I am on a whole new path with Sonny Boy. This new path is a revelation that I received, as a result of my last run in with Sonny Boy. It began when he got into my car frustrated about school. I immediately pointed out his faults. I didn't like what he said. I got angry. He got angrier. I calmed down and tried to help him by giving him something he didn't want. He got angrier. Then I got really angry and blew up. It ended when he left to walk to his program.
That was the best thing he could have done. Because it gave me time to access how I had let myself get to this place. When I reflected back on the situation, I immediately saw that I had taken off my mother robe and redressed myself with God's robe which didn't fit me in any form or fashion. I had just made a complete fool of myself and I have no problems admitting it to anybody. And just think, I was in turn, modeling that behavior on to him without even realizing it then.
The joy, I realized, came from the outcome of the reflection. Through the reflection, I realized I was acting like God but I wasn't God. I couldn't fix this struggle with Sonny Boy with my ability. There was no denying that. It was when I moved out of the way that the joy of the struggle began to manifest in our life. I gave up something I enjoyed, as I sought an answer from the LORD. And he answered.
God led me back to his Word. I had tried before but fell off. Now I realize that I have to be committed to realize the benefit of my answered prayer. So most every night, Sonny Boy and I spend five minutes (his wish) in the Word, which turns into at least a joyful 30 minute conversation. I have learned so much about Sonny Boy in that time together than I have in our day to day activities.
I am so thankful for that struggle because it was where I began to learn not to focus on the struggle. I am learning, as it is a process, to keep my focus on God and his way out. In 1Corinthians 10:13, it is written: No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make a way to escape, that you may be able to bear it.
My definition of this scripture is: There is no struggle I will face that others have not faced. But God is faithful because he will not let me be tempted beyond my own strength. So if I keep my focus on God and his unlimited strength, as I move through this struggle, my way out through him will come.
I know you are probably wondering where the joy is. Well for me, the joy is in knowing God is working it out, seeing how God did it after it is over. Then on top of that it is constant confirmation of God in my life which gives me more and more strength to continue to move forward.
So I am thankful to God for the struggle with Sonny Boy as I learned to love, respect, and value Sonny Boy each and every day God's way.
I AM JOYFULLY LOOKING AT MY OTHER STRUGGLES TO SEE HOW GOD WILL WORK THOSE OUT. I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD STAY THIS. BUT, KEEP THE STRUGGLES COMING CAUSE I KNOW THAT OUR FATHER IS WITH ME. THANKFUL STRUGGLER. LOL
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