Sonny Boy spent a week with his dad and boy was it an eye opener. Yet he would do it again because the presence was more important than the inconvenience for both of them.
I went to visit my older son and Sonny Boy stayed here because we didn't want him to miss school. To make it convenient for Sonny Boy, his dad stayed at our home with him. His dad has his own apt. but it doesn't have the necessities that Sonny Boy has grown use to.
While with Sonny Boy, his dad took the whole week off from his second job. Now that is a miracle in itself. Hardly anything ever comes between dad and work. That said a lot about his dads priority. During this time, dad noticed that Sonny Boy has outgrown most of his dress shirts. He noticed that Sonny Boy runs late for his bus that stops right at the driveway and that he eats a lot. His dad also realized how little he knows about Sonny Boys daily schedule.
Sonny Boy on the other hand noticed that his dad likes to get up from the table without clearing it. Sonny Boy complained how he had to pickup after his dad while in the kitchen, and he didn't like it. He even noticed that his dad left the fridge slightly open a few times and that Sonny Boy had to constantly go behind him to make sure it was closed. Sonny Boy complained that they ran out of Dove soap and had to take soapless showers until dad found a bar of shea soap. (Soapless showers Uhmmmm.) Lastly Sonny Boy was irritated that his dad asked him daily about his schedule although he gave the same answer the day before and the day before that.
It is through our personal time together that we not only learn about one another, but we can learn our life lessons through those experiences. It is the little things that we come to see from the inside of life for ourselves, that is not as obvious when we are on the outside looking in. As Sonny Boy got to see, life is not always the way you want, or as you think you know. Life is what you make of what you have while you have it.
Sonny Boy and his dad spent a week together, which enabled them to learn invaluable lessons about one another. I am thankful that God gave them an opportunity to be together with no influence of mines whatsoever. A week with just man to man. Awesome. And I am so thankful that his dad put his life on hold so I could have some time away. What a selfless gift he gave to me. Thankful!
Proverbs 16:8 says it best: Better is a little with righteousness than great revenues without right.
ONLY GOD!
Yesterday while out in search of a used stove in the Broadway and Fillmore area of the city, Sonny Boy and I came upon some interesting sights.
One sight that really caught our attention just east of Memorial Dr. was a mid age male riding a bicycle. He was really getting his hustle on with the bike. What was eye catching about it was that the front tire was swinging off to the side, on top of the rim somehow and the man was pedaling on the rim. We had to take a second look. There was no inner tube. Just a rim hitting the roadway and the rubber tire hanging on to the side.
Sonny Boy looked, laughed, and said, "Mom, the struggle is real." I am sorry but I could not help laughing myself. It amazed me that this man knew that he could get farther on the rim of a bike then he could on his feet. I thought that was pretty gutsy because it said a lot about the importance of getting to where he was going with the best means available to him. And this man was able to do it at no monetary cost that I could see, just with his own ability and strength. It gave Sonny Boy and me a chance to talk about the struggle that one can incur even moreso, when education or a skill is limited. With planning, determination, and desire, things can be accomplished in spite of what the situation may look like to others.
It even prompted Sonny Boy to give his own spin on the struggle. He shared that one of his friends said that the struggle is so real in college that his friend had to find multiple guys to room with because a dorm was too expensive and apts. are not as affordable for one person. And the meal of the day was oodles of noodles day in and out. Sonny Boy then said that when he goes off to college he plan to room with four or five other boys so they could split the cost.
I was wooed that Sonny Boy was thinking about the cost of college and he still has 2.5 years to go before high school is done. And the fact that going to college is second nature to him is even more pleasing to hear.
Although our struggles may be real, as well as those we see, we are not alone. The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge; help is available to those who value knowledge; Proverbs 1:7 but fools despise wisdom and instruction. We are not what we say, we are what we do and it is reflected in how we use what is available to all. Just as that man was moving forward in his struggle, so can we with the guidance of an awesome instruction manual such as the bible.
PRAISE THE LORD for the knowledge contained in the book of Proverbs fore the struggle is real and different for each and every one of us, yet we as God's people can be there to encourage and be encouraging to one another through his word. Only God!
Sonny Boy attended the fall dance at his school. Boys/girls what a mixture. Hormones, hormones, and more hormones. Of course since he attends an all boys school, their boys are the only males allowed to attend. But girls, now that is another story. They are allowed to come from any school. Most of the girls that attend are from local private schools and you get some stragglers from a few of the public schools. As I sit in the parking lot waiting, I wonder if it is a good idea for the two groups to mix at such a young age.
I have to be honest, at 15yrs old I was already into a boy, sex, and skipping school. I couldn't even conceive Sonny Boy doing any of the things I did, yet I realize I have very little control if that is what he wants to do. It was a while before my mom had a clue as to what I was doing, and my dad was an absentee dad so he didn't matter. And the keep your legs close statement she gave, was not enough information for me to understand it, let alone adhere to it. So I know how the wool could be pulled over our eyes if we are not on our pees and ques.
As I pick Sonny Boy and his friend up at the end, I see some scantly dressed girls coming out although it is freezing outside. The girls are loud, obnoxious, and care free. Alive with giggles and off balance from uncomfortable heals as they bust open the big blue doors into the crisp, cold night. The boys aren't far behind as they fall out in groups still trying to catch a girl or two.
Of course my two are next to last to come out. I ask how was the dance and they began to share how one young man was so intoxicated that he had to be rushed to the hospital. Sonny Boy expressed his disappointment that no one threw money into the crowd like last year. Of course there was teasing about the dancing, those hanging on the walls, and boys who were all over the girls.
Sonny Boy shocked me when he said that he danced a few times. It shocks me because at home, I can barely get him to move. But it is believable because in 8th grade they had him on video
dancing on class day.
Sonny boy didn't get any numbers though, his friends got numbers and possible girlfriends. In fact the next day, Sonny boy asked if he could go to the movies with his friends to meet up with the girls, although things had not been finalized yet. Well that gave me the opportunity to share with Sonny boy the ends and outs of girlfriends. We talked about being open and truthful with the opportunity of having many girl friends. And we talked about the opportunities, and expectations of having one girlfriend.
Sonny boys father doesn't seem to want to have those important conversations with him. In fact, it seems to intimidate him. I am sure that his dad has his own stories to tell, yet his sons needs doesn't appear to override his lack of comfort with straight talk.
I find it so amazing that people can talk about other people, things, games, friends, lovers, themselves, stealing, drinking, lying, cheating, yet not able to talk to their children about things that can and will affect their future whether the outcome is positive or negative. It is almost like setting them up for failure and than complaining about it when it occurs. How crazy is that?
I love my son too much to see him try and maneuver the world of girls, without using some wisdom and guidance, from an experienced adult, who once learned from experience, yet is now lead by the Word. If Sonny boys dad won't teach him, and I don't teach him, then the streets will. As a loving, responsible parent, I can not and will not let the streets dictate my sons path.
I thank the Lord for Proverbs 6:20-24 which teaches blessings of obedience. I am learning that there is nothing like the wisdom and knowledge available to us at anytime to help us grow into the Greatness that God destine us. ONLY GOD!
This morning I peeped into Sonny Boys room and all I saw was him buttoning up an obvious, wrinkled shirt. I asked him why he didn't iron the shirt before he put it on. He said that no one pays attention to his clothes at school. So why bother? Really?
I explained that it didn't matter if no one pays attention as to what he wears or how he wears it. But he should. And if he doesn't care, I do. Now, I won't tell him what to wear, as I see that as his choice. But, whatever he wears, it had better be presentable.
So I go on to explain to him that properly preparing his clothes that he wears in his teen years is preparing him for adulthood, when it really matters. As he perfect the ironing and pressing of his clothes now it will be second nature and effortless as he enters adulthood.
Sonny Boy looked at me and said, "Awe mom, it's not like I am going to have to take an exam on what my shirt looks like."
As I reflect on that statement from this morning and think, Sonny Boy may not have to take an exam, but he will have to interview for college and beyond, and what he wears and how he wears it will matter.
Proverbs 6, says: Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
Sonny Boy may not agree with me, with his limited I know everything mind, but as for me and my house, he doesn't have a choice, so lets get to ironing that shirt.
Thank you Lord for a mind to prepare Sonny Boy as best I can while he is still flexible enough to receive it.
My wonderful Sonny Boy is soooooo special.
Last night, our bible study was on Genesis 13. In it God told Abram: "Look now toward heaven, and "count the stars if you are able to number them."" So shall your descendants be." So I turned towards Sonny Boy and asked him if he thought he is a descendant of Abram.
He thought for a second, then said: "I should probably ask Maury cause he does those DNA tests on his show, and the men that aren't the father runs to the lady and gets in her face and says nowwwwwwwwwwwwwwww."
Only Sonny Boy!
I thank God that he has enabled Sonny Boy to keep me laughing. I can never say what will come out of his mouth. But Lord, keep it coming.
That Sonny Boy of mines is a card. He had me laughing after our 5 minutes of bible study.
Sonny boy said something to the tune of: God should make a sequel of the bible because it would be flying off of the shelves. I asked him why? He said because it's a good book with lots of stories that have been around for years and we need an updated version.
He then went into a hip hop version of our lesson from Genesis 13, 1:16. Sonny boy had me bowling over from laughter. He was so on point and was able to covey the lesson into today's words so effortlessly.
I was truly impressed at how he could improvise at the drop of a hat, and still be able to address the whole message with understanding and such clarity. I am not just trying to toot my horn or his but when we see such goodness at work we should not keep it to ourselves.
I see God at work in him and I am marveling at God's goodness being manifested in him.
I thank the Lord for living within each of us. I thank the Lord that we each have a choice to follow him in our life. God the Father, and Christ Jesus his son are awesome with a capital A.
I have heard from time to time that I should be thankful for the struggles in life. It is even written in the Word that I am to be joyful during my struggles. I never really understood that thought pattern because during my struggles, they were so intense I focused on the struggle. In fact I couldn't take my mind off of the struggle. There were some struggles that really seemed to take over my life. No matter what I did, what I was doing, where I went, my struggle was with me on my mind. Day and night it was there. Shoot, I remember times where I couldn't sleep, because my struggle was on my mind.
Now that I think about it, I can say without a doubt that my struggle weighed me down like an anchor that stays a gigantic ship. My struggle held me in it grip that at times, I felt like it was all life had to offer. I awaken to struggle. I went to sleep at night to struggle. My day was so filled with my struggle that everything else worked around my struggle. Shoot I even dreamt about the struggle. It was struggle, struggle, struggle. If you called Deborah on the street I probably would have kept walking. But if you called struggle, I guarantee you I would have turned around to see who was calling out to me.
Even this blog comes out of the struggle with Sonny Boy. My struggle with Sonny Boy is what I call one of my wilderness. You know, the Israelites struggled in the wilderness for 40 years. My struggle with Sonny Boy hasn't been 40 years but it sure seemed like it. So when I put joy, side by side, with struggle I didn't see the correlation.
I had been praying for God to teach me to be the mother that Sonny Boy needs. Spirit was leading me to realize that what I was doing wasn't working, and I didn't know what else to do. I was so tired of going round and round with Sonny Boy. Although the color and flavor of my struggle with him was different, I always ended up in the same place. FRUSTRATED!
So to make a long story short, I am on a whole new path with Sonny Boy. This new path is a revelation that I received, as a result of my last run in with Sonny Boy. It began when he got into my car frustrated about school. I immediately pointed out his faults. I didn't like what he said. I got angry. He got angrier. I calmed down and tried to help him by giving him something he didn't want. He got angrier. Then I got really angry and blew up. It ended when he left to walk to his program.
That was the best thing he could have done. Because it gave me time to access how I had let myself get to this place. When I reflected back on the situation, I immediately saw that I had taken off my mother robe and redressed myself with God's robe which didn't fit me in any form or fashion. I had just made a complete fool of myself and I have no problems admitting it to anybody. And just think, I was in turn, modeling that behavior on to him without even realizing it then.
The joy, I realized, came from the outcome of the reflection. Through the reflection, I realized I was acting like God but I wasn't God. I couldn't fix this struggle with Sonny Boy with my ability. There was no denying that. It was when I moved out of the way that the joy of the struggle began to manifest in our life. I gave up something I enjoyed, as I sought an answer from the LORD. And he answered.
God led me back to his Word. I had tried before but fell off. Now I realize that I have to be committed to realize the benefit of my answered prayer. So most every night, Sonny Boy and I spend five minutes (his wish) in the Word, which turns into at least a joyful 30 minute conversation. I have learned so much about Sonny Boy in that time together than I have in our day to day activities.
I am so thankful for that struggle because it was where I began to learn not to focus on the struggle. I am learning, as it is a process, to keep my focus on God and his way out. In 1Corinthians 10:13, it is written: No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make a way to escape, that you may be able to bear it.
My definition of this scripture is: There is no struggle I will face that others have not faced. But God is faithful because he will not let me be tempted beyond my own strength. So if I keep my focus on God and his unlimited strength, as I move through this struggle, my way out through him will come.
I know you are probably wondering where the joy is. Well for me, the joy is in knowing God is working it out, seeing how God did it after it is over. Then on top of that it is constant confirmation of God in my life which gives me more and more strength to continue to move forward.
So I am thankful to God for the struggle with Sonny Boy as I learned to love, respect, and value Sonny Boy each and every day God's way.
I AM JOYFULLY LOOKING AT MY OTHER STRUGGLES TO SEE HOW GOD WILL WORK THOSE OUT. I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD STAY THIS. BUT, KEEP THE STRUGGLES COMING CAUSE I KNOW THAT OUR FATHER IS WITH ME. THANKFUL STRUGGLER. LOL
During our almost nightly bible study, Sonny Boy shared with me a situation that happened at school. Don't get caught up on the bible study. It is only five minutes, but it is what takes place after those five minutes that is by the grace of God. That is, talk time. It just happens. And I just go with it.
Anyhow, he shared that yesterday, in Global class each student had to do a presentation on a timeline. The person with the best presentation would get 3 extra points on their grade. Now, Sonny Boy forgot about the assignment and was not prepared. So when his name was called he got up, went to the front of class with his I-pad in hand. He sat the I-pad on the desk. Pulled up pandora on the screen and began to play smooth jazz music. He then began talking about the little he remembered about the timeline.
But then he started pointing to students to answer questions about the timeline. During that time it was hilarious because some were prepared and others weren't. And he was able to get through his presentation from the information pulled from the students.
At the end of his presentation, the other students were thrilled and said that they were voting for him to win.
At the end of class when all had left he went to the teacher and asked not to receive the prize if selected. I asked him why? Sonny Boy shared that there were students in class who worked hard on their presentation and did what they were suppose to do. Then he really blessed me when he shared that there were other students whose grade was lower than his, who would need the extra points. And, that he didn't spend any time on his presentation, he just did it on a whim so he didn't feel he should take that away from the others.
CAN I GET A SHOUT FOR VICTORY IN THE LORD ON THAT ONE!
I thank God for doing an awesome work in my son. I say this not to brag but, because it is what I see.
Sonny Boy and I had a conversation about my upcoming retirement. We talked about how depressing life has been for a lot of people and places in this world. So I shared with him that after I retired, I was working for God.
I told him that although it is written that there would be no other man like Moses, God didn't say there would not be a woman. So I told Sonny Boy that I was going to be like Moses. A woman after Gods own heart.
Sonny Boy said: "We don't need a Moses superwoman. We are all Moses. If we want something done, we should do it! We shouldn't wait on other people. We should do it ourself."
FROM THE MOUTH OF BABES! Thank you Lord.
My Sonny Boy is so funny that there are times, I just want to slap him back into reality.
So, yesterday he tells me that he will be attending his club of choice after school today. That means he gets picked up later. So his time coincided with my appointment for the evening.
I suggested that he walk to his nana's home until I could pick him up. Now, Sonny Boy has been going to and from his Nana's home for several years while riding in the car with me. There is an entrance to her building from the front and back that I use constantly.
So Sonny Boy thinks about it and then he shares: "You know mom, I went to the front of my school one day and looked up and down the street for Nana's building. I told myself that it has to be here somewhere cause it is a really tall building and I should be abel to see it. But I just couldn't see it. So I don't even know which way to go to get to Nana's building."
I could not believe what he was saying because she lives less then two blocks away, a little off to the left. But it just goes to show, how much attention he pays to where he goes, or how he gets there, especially when his head is usually in his I-pad or my smart phone.
I want Sonny Boy to be technically savvy, but not at the cost of being functionally illiterate. We have to know where we have been in order to know where we are going. Look up! See the light and know the direction you are heading smartie pants.
Today before dropping Sonny Boy off at his internship, I mentioned to him that I needed his help in putting in a screen frame for the security door.
So as we worked together to get it done, I was having a problem with the screw head and Sonny Boy must have noticed that I was getting frustrated because he handed me another screw and holder as he said, "Here try this one".
When I got down to the 2nd last holder, he announced that he only had one holder left and two screws. I thought that he must have dropped one but we didn't see it on the ground anywhere. So he handed me the holder and a screw and I just assumed it was the same one that I had the initial problem with, so I asked him to switch out the screws.
He surprised me when he said, "I already did that". I said, "Wow!". I was really impressed that he had figured that out before I even asked.
When we got in the car I was still thinking about it, along with several recent times he was able to figure something out before me. Then I shared with him that I am so happy that at my age of 56, I can still learn from him at 15, just as he can learn from me. I was really thankful that God blessed him with a mind that he is learning to utilize.
And you know something, we as adults, aren't the only ones capable of coming up with solutions. We just have to be open to receiving.
To God be the Glory.
Sonny Boy recently joined a baseball team. It has been more than a few years since he last participated on a team.
Well not even 4 weeks in, Sonny Boy has lost his baseball mitt.
He is usually pretty good with keeping up with his things, so it would be hard for me to get upset about it. I am a little disappointed though, because the mitt cost me $60.
The first week that the mitt was missing, Sonny Boy failed to mention it. It wasn't until this weeks game, as we were getting ready to leave, I saw him searching through some old mitts. I asked Sonny Boy what he was doing? And, that is when he confessed the missing mitt. Now mind you, he never searched for it at the park. He never asked the coach if it was found. And, he never checked the lost and found.
He was really nonchalant about it. He even asked me if I still had the receipt because it would be good for 30 days. I asked him why the receipt would be important. And he stated that we could submit the receipt for a replacement. I listened and tried not to burst out laughing. I couldn't believe that he thought that a store would replace a lost mitt just like that. And just think, this is the thought process at age 14.
But you know what, in the end it was a great learning lesson. He has to replace the mitt with his own money. He had to speak up and ask the coach about it. And, he knows a little more about the concept of purchases.
Sonny Boy bought the same black mitt. He was able to save $20 on the purchase. And this time he painted white strips on it and I wrote his name on it. Hopefully this mitt is so distinguished that his teammates will know its his.
I am so glad that Sonny Boy has his own checking account, with money in it, to pay for situations such as this. It seems a lot easier to be more responsible when your own money is involved.
I HAVE A QUESTION? How is it that when a child becomes a teen, they don't want to be bothered with their parents unless it is something that they want. At least that is the way my Sonny Boy is.
Sonny Boy walks around the house as if he has a chip on his shoulders. He has been off of school and at home for the last 4 days.
To get out of the house and get some air, I asked him if he wanted to go and see Captain Phillips at the theatre. Sonny Boy gave me a dry response, saying that he didn't want to go to the movies.
Well, I decided that we would go to the movies anyway. I just secretly decided to let him pick the movie then perhaps he would change his mind.
So I gave Sonny Boy the newspaper to pick a movie out that he would like to see. He chose Los Vegas. It was a done deal.
Sonny Boy and I went to the movies. We both laughed throughout it. It turned out to be a really good movie and we both were glad we came. Of course he didn't say that in words, it was his none stop talking that he did all the way home that told me so.
I learned again that sometimes teens don't even know what they need or want to do. So, every now and again we can put something out there as a choice and go from there.
Recently Sonny Boy has been having trouble in Biology. It actually has been all of the marking period that has caused concern. Believe it or not, his biology teacher stays after class until at least 4:00, or comes in before school begins for any student that needs help. Sonny Boy also has the opportunity for tutoring at the local college at least 2 days a week.
Well Sonny Boy stayed after school seeking help with the teacher, perhaps twice and I would be stretching it to said three times. And, he was tutored in biology at the University once at the most. It was a waste of his time, and his grade actually got worse.
I learned that Sonny Boy was not putting in the effort that he needed. He thought he knew how to study. Everything is on his I-pad so he spent time reading the text ebook and the notes the teacher put on the I-pad. He did not take any written notes at all. He felt he didn't have to, besides he could always surf the net when he got bored with the lesson. I would hate to say it but I think he may have spent more time surfing the net then he did reading or studying the ebook.
Now it is exam time. I am wondering what to do. Then it hit me that I have threatened him twice about getting him a tutor with him having to pay. So I prayed for a tutor and God sent me one. It was a biology tutor at the University that he didn't know. She agreed to tutor him for the three days before the exam.
At his first tutoring session she scolded him for not taking written notes and not reading the actual biology book instead of the ebook. She made him work for his money. When he sat for the exam he felt he was more prepared then in the past.
I asked Sonny Boy how he felt about paying for the tutor. He said that he didn't like it. It cost him $60.00, that he took from the money he was saving for a ps4. Sonny Boy went on to say that he didn't like paying for a tutor but you have to do it cause you get a lot out of it. He then went on to comparing it to taxes. He stated that paying for a tutor is like paying taxes. You got to pay them. Paying taxes gives you a lot of stuff, like a house and utilities.
I thought about correcting him on his version of what taxes do for you. But decided that it's better to let it go. Besides, when I paid a tutor for him he took it for granted. But when he paid, well it meant something to him.
Sometimes you have to pay into something to get something out of it. I thank God for the lesson the Sonny Boy has learned.
So Sonny Boy is sitting on the couch in the living room studying. I go into the living room and all I felt was heat. It is burning up in there. I noticed that the fire place just kicked off. I didn't bother to check the thermostat on the fireplace to see what it was set on because I am sure it would have set my insides on fire.
I offhandedly said to Sonny Boy. It sure is warm in here. He respond by saying: I got a little chilly. As I was exiting the living, I looked back at him, not believing what he had just said. But I let it go.
I was surprised by what he said because he was sitting on the couch dressed in a short sleeved t-shirt and jeans. Now if I was chilly, I would have gotten a throw to cover me or even perhaps a long sleeve shirt or sweater. I would have gotten something the would have sufficed, before I turned the heat up.
But all Sonny Boy could think of, was turning up the heat. Sometimes I wish I could turn up the heat on his rump........
Sonny boy never cease to amaze me. I was listening to Charles Stanley, a radio/tv minister on the net in my kitchen. Sonny boy comes into the kitchen to eat dinner. As he sits down, he asks me what I am listening to. I tell him and I keep listening.
There is nothing else going on in the kitchen. So, after a few minutes when Mr. Stanley says something I thought was important, I asked Sonny Boy about what he said. Sonny Boy tells me that he wasn't listening. Then he says: That's your stuff mom.
I then asked him to just listen for a few minutes. Instead he finishes his dinner, gets up, put away his dishes, walked into the bathroom and closed the door. It was as if I hadn't said anything at all.
When he comes out of the bathroom, he tells me that he is going upstairs to finish his homework. And that was it. I didn't say a word. But of course I was disappointed that he wouldn't even spare a minute to get the word. But I know, his time will come and I can't wait.
