Sonny boy came to me this evening because he was stuck on a math problem.  He was working on the metric system.  He had a worksheet that he was working on and it was almost complete.  But, the problem was he had the correct answers but wasn't sure how he got them.  The worksheet consisted mostly of word problems and I couldn't understand how he get to the end without working through the gist of the problem. 

I asked him to grab his at home math book. (Each year I try to get a math textbook to keep at home for reference.)  He didn't know where it was, although it was on his bookshelf in his room.  Um I guess he hasn't used it in a while.  With a little guidance he located his math book and bought it down to me.  I immediately found the chapter he was working on and the reference to the website for same. 

Sonny boy wasn't interested.  He wanted to go and get his hour of tv in. So he said that he would get help from his teacher tomorrow.  My question was, "Why didn't you get help today when you didn't fully understand what you were doing?  No answer.  I of course scolded him and said that the example he is setting now is why some people get left behind.  Left behind because they don't want to go the extra mile to help themselves at the expense of video games, mind numbing television, and/or  peers.   If it isn't easy or simple, just do enough to get by. 

Wow!  That sounds like some of  the concerns our country is having now.  We are not producing a work force that are qualified, or will be qualified to compete in a global economy. And we wonder why!

OK! I Was Wrong.

I took my son out of his public school that he had attended for the past 6 years.  I felt that he was trying to impress his new friends who didn't take school seriously and some seemed to have  a different attitude towards teachers or those in authority.  He did well and had a very good repoir with his teachers.  I had spoken with his teacher who agreed with me that he would be more successful in a smaller environment.  Sometimes it is hard for me to accept what I have.  I just need more. Sonny boy didn't want any parts of it but I talked him into trying the new school.  His dad agreed with him.  But of course I had to have my way.  My sonny boy was going to get the best that I could give him. Besides I had a friend whose son attended the same school and she spoke highly of it.

Boy was I wrong.  It took me $4500 to find that out but it was well spent.  I will say that I am glad I did it because now I realize that the grass isn't always greener on the other side and you don't always get what you pay for.  The trouble began the 2nd day of school.  He took and entrance math test that was at the front of the book and he bombed.  The principal of this great Catholic school said:  Oh he needs remedial math and he is sooooo far behind."  

Needless to say I was thrown for a loop.  At the public school they were promoting him into the honors math course.  So I just thought to myself that we would see where this goes.  Needless to say he survived the year with merit/honor roll grades throughout.  But, I had to literally beg the English teacher to help him out where he was having trouble.  There were children that attended who had sexual behavior problems that was constantly swept under the rung. It was not a diverse environment and the teachers had preconceived notions about African American children.  And the cliches were throughout.  The school was at the top in ranking but that was because it concentrated more on the testing requirements then the overall student.  There was no in school library for the middle and upper grades.  Basketball was the only sport that was played at the school. The other sports were performed at alternative locations.  When the parents volunteered at the school, the 1st question if they didn't know you was: "So do you work?"  My answer was yes, I am working right now volunteering.  Needless to say, that stopped them in their tracks.

I couldn't wait for this school year to end for me to go running back to the former school to proudly re-enroll him.  There I know that he is getting quality education.  The teachers go the extra mile.  They have a library,  They have inside sports and treat the whole child.  The school may not be ranked highly but I know that my child will get the education he needs and it won't cost me any more then the school taxes that I am paying.  I can use the savings to enhance his outside interests.

Yea, I made a mistake but you know what, I am not too proud to fix it. We are going back home. Yea, Yea, and Yea again.

From 0 to Nice

Well,Sonny boy hit me up with a surprise.  On Sunday as we prepared ourselves for Sunday Service, and right before it was time to leave he said something that made me stop dead in my tracks.  Sonny boy had just come downstairs and as he walked into the kitchen, I said that he needed to wash his mouth.  Then I proceeded to ask him if he brushed his teeth, his hair, and lotion his face. 

He looked at me just as innocent, and said: "Something nice would be great every once in a while.  Like, you look nice."

I was stunned.  I do give him compliments, but obviously not enough.  I thought about his statement all through church service.  I started back tracking trying to see if I am as bad as my interpretation burned on my brain.

Most times when he says something, it is as he says.  So I couldn't doubt this time.  So now every chance I get, I find myself complimenting him.  So I go from one extreme to another.  And not only am I thinking about how I relate to him but, how I relate to others, especially his dad.  I can honestly say that I am pretty consistent with the orders and inconsistent with the compliments.  But now that it is in my face, on my mind, I am working to change.

Oh from the mouth of babes. 

Who Are You?

Do you ever look at your child and wonder: Who are u?
  Well I had that experience yesterday.  It started off in the morning when I asked sonny boy to go upstairs to his room to get his belt.  That took approx. 10 minutes.  I then asked him to put his sweater on over his uniform.  He stated that he wasn't wearing it today.  But I thought otherwise. 
  When it was time to walk out the door, I got no hug and no kiss goodbye.  I let it go.
  Later when sonny boy returned home from school I thought the mood had passed.  Boy was I wrong.  Early afternoon was good. Dinner was good but a little too quiet for me.  I tried conversating but it was met with some resistance.  
  After homework was all completed and a little play time was had. And previously I asked what time he wanted to study his vocab.  He said 7:30.  So when the time rolled around to about 7:50 I asked if he was ready to study his vocab.  He said no I need a little more time.  I so no, time has been had.
  So he comes downstairs and claimed to have studied the words.  Well when I test him, he missed over half of the words. I said, ok we are done.  He then says: aren't you going to help me.  I respond: you studied right.
 Anyway I began to help him with the words by having him verbally spell them and write them on a wipe board. He complains that it is too much and continues to gripe.  
  I am starting to get upset and then I think to myself that this is crazy.  I am trying to help him and he is making this difficult.  At that moment I look at him and realize that I don't know this person. And, I also thought that before I let this unknown person get under my skin, I am going to pray for him.  Well that is just what I did.  I rebuked the devil and I prayed for Gods' covering on him .


Sonny boy thought that I was crazy but it got us through that study session and he was able to spell all of the words.  Then, this morning I retested him and he only missed one.  I say that he is ready for his test today.  Hooray.


I am so glad that we were able to get through yesterday. And I thought about how moody we all are at times of the day.  I really gave some thought to why sonny boy may have been so moody but I couldn't reason that.  I did ask him if anything happened yesterday that he wanted to talk about.  But that was met with a big no.  I even thought about depression and counseling.  I just don't want the little attitude to turn into a big problem in years to come. 


  I am going to keep an eye on this moods so I can perhaps talk to his Dr. about it.  Oh well.


 

Drop Down

Today is report card day.  Sunny boy comes in and just throws it into my lap as his dad and I engage in conversation.  He says: "here's my report card mom, look at it".  I told him that I would get to it.  He kept insisting and when I didn't respond like he wanted me too, he just stormed off.

Eventually, I did look at the report card and I found out that it was good but not great.  But, it was a lot better then I expected.  His grade went down 8 points in Spanish and up 10 points in English.  The other major courses he went down one point in four subjects.  In Religion he went down 5 points.  His overall average was up 1.5 points.  He made the merit roll.  But I think he should have been on the honor roll.  I know that he could do better.  Perhaps I should invest in the, Tiger Mom's, book. 

Speaking of Tiger mom, I noticed, from reading the responses on The Wall Street Journal's site, that she has taken a lot of flack.  Now I can't say that I agree with the majority of her actions that I read about on the site.  But I do admire the dedication she has for her children. I admire that she not only instructed her children on what to do, but she was right there in the trenches with them each step of the way.  When her daughter was up playing the piano for over 12 hours, she was right there with her.  It made me realize that I have to do more then instruct my son on getting his homework done.

Normally during homework time, I set up an area for him to get busy and I leave him to work.  I treat this as me time.  If he needs me then I am there to help.  I do go over his work and we normally make the corrections together.  I make sure that he understands exactly how the lesson comes together.  But I wasn't preparing him ahead of time and I wasn't making him work with lessons that he didn't have homework on. 

After reading about the Tiger mom I decided to step it up some.  I came to the realization that I didn't want to, or really didn't feel like tackling homework on a daily basis. And I definitely didn't want to give up my me time for reading school books.  Inside I felt like, Sonny boy is in school all day and he should have absorbed enough of the lesson to do his homework without my hovering over him.  I just wanted to be the backup mom, who checked everything when it was done. But now I realize that I have to be more hands on if I really want to see him excel.

I have to get into the habit of sitting with him reading over lessons and preparing him for lessons before the teacher even addresses a subject. This is in addition to homework.  I think by doing that I can open his mind to recalling facts that we have discussed and hopefully create more interest during class.  I can't look at this as hovering over my son, but as helping him to understand and encourage him to do his best.  I believe that this will help him come to the realization that school is serious and that if his parents are willing to get into the trenches, then he also has to do the work.  Hopefully he will get to see the rewards of hard work.

I on the other hand will learn that in order for my son to be successful, I have to put in actual time.  This will be time I have to dedicate to school work.  I will have to turn off that tv, get off that phone, and stop whatever I was doing and discipline myself to be there working along side of him.  It won't be easy for either of us, but I bet we'll both notice a difference on the next report card.  Just as he will be learning to focus more on his work and how to get it done, I will be focusing on how he is doing it and the end result. 

Gotta go.  It's time to turn off the television and get busy.

Dance Away Dance Away Wow

Another morning I awakened to sonny boy playing his paintball game downstairs.  So I decided that I would go and get my meditation on this morning instead of interrupting his playtime.  I noted the time so that I could be sure that he adhere to his hour of playtime. 

When I was done with my meditation, I headed downstairs where I found that he had turned the game off and cartoons on.  Sonny boy made of note of telling me how he hadn't played the game the whole time.  I responded by telling him that I was aware of that and that he has 30 minutes left to play.

In my mind, I decided that he was not going to spend this morning as usual, playing a video game, watching tv, or on the computer.  So I went into the kitchen and called him to the kitchen to help me prepare breakfast.  I had a taste for biscuits, sausage, and eggs.  We didn't have pancake mix or waffles so those options were out.  I didn't feel like shredding potatoes for hash browns and lastly, didn't have enough grits. 

I looked in the frig and we only had two eggs for the three of us.  So I put my mind to work on how to stretch those two eggs.  Well, I just blanched some kale the other day and I decided to use some kale with the eggs today.  So I chopped up some onions, garlic, and kale.  Sonny boy cooked the onions and garlic till tender and then threw in the kale.  As he did that I shredded some cheese and added a little milk to the eggs I had beat.  When the the onions/garlic were ready, he added the kale and eggs and last the cheese.  Of course he had no nice words for the mixture but I assured him that his palate would enjoy it.

I used the can biscuits because the last time that I made homemade ones, deary complained that the canned were better. I like canned but I hate the fact that the bottom always seem to brown before the top.  So I flip them when I saw the bottom browned.  They turned out good but a little firmer then I would have liked.

Anyway, sonny boy finished cooking and retreated back to the living room as I set the table for breakfast.  Before that though I caught him leaving the kitchen with a big glass of milk with whip cream on top.  He knows that is not how I would have suggested he use the whip cream.  Using whip cream on top of milk.  I let him get away with it this time but told him I don't want to see that again.  He said that he should have just added the whip cream first and then the milk and I would have never known the better.  It's too bad that he doesn't think that way when it comes to completing his homework.

Anyway we had breakfast, to which sonny boy complained all the way through about the eggs. Deary and I enjoyed them.  The health benefit of the kale was to boot.  We took a break and then I encouraged sonny boy to do his exercises.  His brother gave him a workout plan over the Christmas break that he has to do daily. 25 pushups, situps, and squats.  Sonny boy has been doing them for the most part but sometimes it takes my convincing. 

So today I watched him do his pushups and offered some suggestions because he complained about how hard it is on his knees.  Oh I forgot to mention that he is doing the 1/2 pushups.  So I showed him how to use the sofa for his legs and the floor for the body.  And I also showed him how to do slanted wall pushups.  Then on to the situps.  He uses a pillow because he forces his back so hard that it slams onto the floor.  I told him that he needs to control his movements.  There is a rhythm to it.  Next was the squats.

After he was done and on a roll I snuck in some jumping jacks and dancing.  Yes dancing.  This time, I joined him.  My foot felt good this morning so I joined him.  I put on a popping party song and we danced together in a walking, marching form. I threw in some patty cake, patty cake, with our movement and even some low to the ground walking.  I made it into a game and we had a good time.  The song lasted a good 10 minutes and I was popped when done. And sonny boy got his exercise in. Yeah!  52 verses 11.  Still able to keep up. Wowhoooooooooooo.

Ahhhhh Breaktime

As I get out of the bathtub this morning I hear someone downstairs.  As I exit the bathroom I see our son bedroom door open.  I think to myself that his dad must have checked on him and left the door open. I thought "Damn" to myself because I didn't want to make any noise to wake sonny boy up.  Well to my surprise, as I passed his room, he wasn't in the bed.  I entered my room and there was a large form on the bed completely covered.  I thought to myself that sonny boy must have awakened after dad went downstairs and was playing dad in the bed. 

I reached over and pulled the covers and to my surprise, dad was still in the bed.  So the noise downstairs was sonny boy.  It is 8 in the morning.  What is sonny boy doing up so early.  Oh but when I made it downstairs and saw that sonny boy was getting his wii paintball game on, I just shook my head.  Oh, how I hate that game. I purchased it for him for Christmas.  I had know idea what the game entailed before i purchased it.  I just knew it was a paintball game that was rated for all.  I hate it because it reminds me too much of shooting to kill.  You can't even see the paint ball when you are shooting. I had this preconceived notion that it would shoot large painted balls and splatter all over when it hits the target.  Not so.

So after seeing him already engrossed in the game, I just reminded him that he had only 20 minutes left to play.  I alot him one hour to play the Wii, and computer each weekend day. None during the week. Then he can watch tv for a determined amount of time.  Of course I had to go to therapy so I left him playing and hoping that he will adhere to the time.

So I return at approx. 1030 in the am. he is on the computer.  I tell him his time is up and he says okay.  I call him again 20 minutes later and he finally gets off.  He then watches tv.  I let him know that he can watch tv until noon.  Then, he has to go outside and shovel the front walkway and driveway.  Well at noon I have to remind him that he has to turn off the tv.  He then goes upstairs to get dressed.  20minutes later he has to use the bathroom and is still undressed.  Then at 1:00 I firmly and strongly encourages him to get outside and shovel as I requested earlier.  Well he goes outside and I see him playing in the snow.  I leave him alone and an hour later he comes into the house full of snow.   I asked him if he shoveled and he says yes, don't you see I shoveled the back driveway.  I again ask him to shovel the front driveway and walkway. 

Afterward, he comes into the house requesting hot chocolate.  And then begins to remind me how this is his off day and that he should be able to enjoy his off days without having to do any work.  I think to myself that here i am with sore foot and I cleaned the bathroom, swept the kitchen floor, washed the dishes, and made his lunch including his hot chocolate that he requested.  And he has the audacity to complain about not getting to enjoy his day off.  Well what about my recovery time?  Do I get recovery time?  Can I recuperate?

Sonny boy tells me that I don't have to do what I do.  All I have to do is ask someone and it would get done. 

Really, on what planet?  His dad is gone.  Sonny boy shoveled the back driveway instead of the front.  So how would those tasks get done and by whom.

Exponents, Spanish, Vocabulary, and Essay to Top Off.

Shoot, it is good to be home alone and sick during the day because after 3:00p.m. hell breaks loose.  My 11yr old gets home and conveniently begin to set his miniature "Risk" pieces along the floor.  Setting up a battle that he knows no one will win.  How could they, he has no time to play with them to the end.

I'm recovering from foot surgery but I hop on into the kitchen to make him a snack.  1/2 cheese sandwich, vanilla yogurt and a glass of chocolate milk.  He comes, looks at the food and immediately gobbles down 2 spoonful of yogurt and claims he has to go now.  I know what that means.  It means the bathroom and it also means at least 45 minutes. I don't know what he does in there but it is a guarantee of at the least 35 minutes.  

Finally he comes out and takes one look at the sandwich as says that he can't eat it.  I ask why.  He states that he already had bread today and if he eats too much bread, it will make him sick. This is new to me.  So he reminds me of an example of when he ate too much bread and was sick to his stomach.  Of course I didn't quiet remember but I let it go.  I ate the 1/2 sandwich.
Next was homework that began about 5:30. It lasted well after 9:00p.m.  1st he did his vocab and I checked it over as he began his essay.  I wanted him to finished his written work 1st before he start the essay on the computer. I knew that once he sat at the computer I would have to monitor his every move.  Well I slipped up and 20 minutes later he was just sitting at the computer playing with something on the desk.  I questioned him and he said that the computer was acting up and he was unable to get on.  Hello, does it really take you 20 minutes to tell me that.  Talk about a big waste of time.I of course got on with no problems. 
I asked why he couldn't finish his other work 1st and he goes on to tell me that his teacher said that they should always do the hardest work 1st.  Now what is so hard about rewording a story from computer.  
Anyway he finally wrote that out and completed his math work and claimed that he couldn't do the Spanish because it was taught last year and he wasn't there last year. Last year as in 5th grade and not 6th grade. He also said that what he was covering wasn't in his book.  Well we both looked and looked, and checked another Spanish book and was only able to find a few of the words to complete his package.  This I asked him to get his Spanish dictionary. Oh but he had conveniently left it at school.  So I go upstairs to his bedroom to look through his books to find something we can use.  
He jotted up those stairs so fast and picked up his dictionary and shouted: Here it is! I could have slapped him into the middle of last week. Mind you I am down a foot and had to hobble up the stairs and back down and his little butt knew it was there in the 1st place.
Then he started worrying me about taking a shower.  Mind you this is the same kid that hates to take a shower any other time.  In fact he will take a shower for at least 45 minutes, use up all the hot water, and then get out and haven't touched his face, hair, or underarms.
He thought when he got out he could go to bed without finishing his homework.   But, no, no, no, that was not going to happen.  I got him back downstairs and we reworked those exponent problems.  Then off to dreamland he went. Me, I was exhausted.  For some reason I didn't realize that while he's in school, I am too. I guess when I was in school and wondered why I was learning all the information the teachers threw at us that I didn't think I would need, I didn't realize that I would be using it today to help my son today.  Power to retention.